I am so freaking sick of the homophobic banter between Ryan "Really, I Don't Like Dick" Seacrest and Simon "I'm so straight I can call men 'Sweetheart'" Cowell on American Idol. OK, already. We get it. You aren't gay. Shut the fuck up already.
Ryan is the worst offender. Simon calls Ryan "sweetheart" in a sarcastic manner, and Ryan practically puffs up his chest and turns caveman in response. Simon says something about a male contestant's eyes and Ryan says "Ooooh, gazing into his eyes! What's going on here?" as if any mention of another male's body parts (however benign the mention, and however benign the body part) is invitation to a flashback to some 6th grade playground battle. While Ryan's comments are said with a smile, I half expect him to break out with a "Smear the queer!" and tackle someone in a testosterone-driven mania.
I can't really tell if Simon is an active or reluctant participant in this banter. He, for the most part, seems annoyed by Ryan's comments. I don't understand, though; if he's truly annoyed, why he doesn't call Ryan on it? After all, isn't Simon the no holds barred, tell it like it is AI judge? Or does that only apply to making fun of fat contestants?
I don't give a rat's ass whether you choose to fuck women or men, Ryan. But picking up any comment or mention that might possibly, in some alternate universe, be construed to violate your apparently strict hyper-heterosexual code and responding to it as if you are a too-dumb-to-know-any-better 11 year old redneck is tiring. I'm sorry you feel you need to uber-prove yourself by playing out some locker room "I'm not gay, I'm really really not gay, and I'm going to prove it by reminding everyone exactly how gross I think people being gay is at every opportunity!" role play.
I'm sorry if kissing Teri Hatcher in front of the stalker-azzi didn't quite convince the world of your heterosexual status. If you're looking for a like-minded female to match up with, perhaps Ann Coulter is available. I hear she likes to denigrate straight people by calling them slang terms for gay to insult them ("Wait! Here's a zinger! I'll call him queer or fag! That will really humiliate him!"). A match made in heaven, clearly.
I'm sorry that you're so concerned that the world believe you're straight that you are willing to parade your middle school anti-gay sarcasm in front of us every week on TV. But, please. I tune in to this pop culture guilty pleasure to hear the singers and to berate "America" for its voting patterns. Not to hear Ryan Seacrest's homophobic "comic" banter.
Ryan, please stop. It isn't funny, and it isn't necessary.
The photo is from the AP. Please don't sue, arrest, or otherwise penalize me for it.
1 comment:
Wow, Ryan Seacrest and Ann Coulter in the same entry. Scary. You are on a roll. I myself do not watch AI because I find it highly annoying unless it is the losers the first couple of weeks. Even that is just becoming sad instead of funny.
Ryan is gay, I know it. His saying otherwise won't change it. And i don't care!! Also, he is at leadt 37. Not 28, or whatever it is he claims to be. He's leathery.
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